What a difference a day makes
25 April 2025
What you see in this image is our first ripe strawberry.
It tasted awful , because it wasn’t ripe, it was tarte, it didn’t come away easy but as a typical addict, I wanted it now, to be ready now. I have to laugh at myself.
Here at The Healing Path the lesson, is time. There is no time. Not in the sense of rush rush rush, no. No time. No rush, No pressure. No clock watching. No instance on when a task gets finished. Just that it gets started and progress is made on a daily basis.
Learning to take life one day at a time is a life long process. I am reminded that life is not quid pro quo. Have I written this somewhere this week? As I walked with Ultan today I was wondering what had I done to deserve the marvellous bounty in my life. People are encouraging me, looking to me for guidance. People have faith in me. I am being honoured to the tune of thousands because people believe in what I am doing here. Me? Who would have thought it? What have I done to deserve this amazing house, location, support? Here is my conclusion. I have done nothing to deserve it. I have just done my best however cack handed in my life to be authentic. I failed miserably at my relationships because I lacked authenticity, but I tried. I am not making excuses. I have tried to live honourably in recovery, to be available when needed, and I could go on and on about the wonderful things I have done and they are not worth a shit if as St Paul is rumoured to have said, I don’t have love.
This life is not a reward for my struggles my sins or my goodness. This life is. I have made choices. I have followed passions and paths and here I am. Alone in the countryside in France, with a bounty that I could not actually imagine.
It’s not luck nor reward. It’s just how life is. I am blessed. I have gratitude and it’s true if I had not gratitude I would not have been in the circumstances I am in now. For 10 or 12 years I hated my French life. Apart from my awesome kids, I was grateful for little else.
Today I received a lawn mower and almost cried when using it. Now I can make soil for next year. That means the gardens can expand and more food can be grown to feed more people.
I try to do what I consider the right thing, not to be seen, not to be validated, not to get anything in return, I do it because it’s the right thing. How can it be wrong to open my home and invite people to live here at no financial cost to them or gain to myself? How can it be wrong to allow my non profit to operate out of here? How can it be wrong to have a vision and to follow through?
I have been supported by the Mustard seed trust , by Bela and Ellen Hatvany, I have been inspired and encouraged by Danielle Reda, I have been supported by Micael Sene and Ingrid Prendergast, ( the best friends a guy could have in Nice), Tonja, who will come and join the project in June, My kids, who take an interest and understand that Dad is probably a bit unusual and bear with me anyway, and of course love me, Rosie, Jolly, and Aaron who gave me the means to create the association, Gracie, who answered my questions about house buying because I felt like a total child, clueless in the extreme. Hugh and Laura who encouraged me and supported me when I told them about the dream and showed them this website, and so many other people. I am grateful for all of them.
Things just are. It’s not my reward. and if it all goes to shit, which I don’t believe it will that won’t be my punishment. That will be just another lesson on acceptance, tolerance and love. Life is not black and white, it’s not scratch my back I scratch yours. Plant 100 seeds you will not get one hundred plants with one hundred fruits. You might only get thirty plants, or through some quirk of nature, next year, you might have 150, and no plant will grow exactly the same height and give exactly the same number of tomatoes.
So when you are faced with a life which is gift, not a reward, not a punishment, in my view I can do many things, and be many things. I chose to show love and understanding where I can and when I can’t I will try to remember what a great guy told me this week. Bless them, change me.
If you are struggling with drugs and alcohol reach out. We are always willing to welcome the willing.
April 22, 2025 