Summer Already? Nah
30 April 2025
People left to their own devices are basically good. So said a friend of mine many years ago and I tend to agree with him. Many of us in addiction don’t intend to hurt others. We don’t actually hate other people, we just have no idea how to love ourselves. There are plenty of videos and talks online from experts who have never been addicted telling us the latest thing in addiction thinking. The problem with many addicts is that if you haven’t lived it, you can’t talk about it, because you cannot know what it’s like to be spiritually, physically, and emotionally desolate.
With that idea that people are basically good, especially when they are not in fear, I have a neighbour who yesterday saved me probably 4 or more days work in just a couple of minutes. However I have cheated. The rain has been intense and interspersed with weeks of incredible sunshine in April. Today it’s 24C , the sky is blue.
My neighbour bought the milking parlour and outbuilding attached to this property and has installed fence posts. He cuts his grass with a ride on petrol driven farm grass mower of which the blade is about a meter and half. My lawnmower which is battery operated is about 40 cms at best. Neither can I get the height. He kindly asked if I need help with the grass. it’s already chest height. He has cut the grass in the orchard in about 10 minutes. The orchard is 10 trees I have planted. There is also the forest area which is 4 tiny hazel trees and an walnut tree that seems to have not taken. I managed to clear those with feet, strimmer and lawnmower in about 3 times the time it took him to drive in and around the 12 fruit trees. It has saved me time, energy, stress, fear and has given me joy , relaxation and a base to work from. Now I have to maintain it.
We have tools that run on battery. It’s wonderful to see quality tools get delivered to the house and know that the advantage these tools give us is huge. Being alone I have found my patience tested. With so much to do I find even watering doesn’t go quick enough. It’s one rain collector and one hose and no pump… So it’s another lesson in patience.
There are also many manual tools, a push lawnmower, scythe, sycle, rake, barrow, woodworking tools and many more. The goal is to lean into the manual and use the batteries for the big stuff.
There are two outhouse rooves that need repairing. Some cement and tiles and a ladder, and a bucket and … wait, should I do that alone? If I wait to do it with someone, maybe I will lose the roof in the meantime.. this are my procrastination difficulties.
The neighbour also shared that normally we don’t plant outside before the ‘Saint de Glace’ . I had read this already and ignored it of course. Again my impatience. That date, would be May 15 to be sure the last frost has passed. I already have beans and corn poking their heads up. But never ignore the advice of locals that is given in a kind of non advisory off hand way. Again I am reminding of addictive thinking, ‘I know best, I am not stupid, a fuck it, it will be okay’ , no one is calling me stupid, I know nothing and whether it’s okay or not, remains to be seen. Perhaps the universe will be gentle and forgiving this year in this aspect.
I told an addict who rang me yesterday in distress they were selfish, they hung up the phone. I texted afterwards and asked what part of being smashed out of your head around your 4 year old kid is generous loving and kind ? I didn’t get an answer. Was it harsh of me? I was informed that is was the most terrible thing I could say, my mind told me I could say an awful lot of things far far worse.
Even though in the Healing Path the philosophy must be one of love, compassion, tolerance and patience, there comes a point when the truth has to be said clearly and bluntly. I am selfish and self centered. I am an alcoholic who has many other addict like behaviours. I have abused substances, and myself, my finances, my security, others, and all it , driven by a hundred forms of self centered fear.
My recovery has been slow but consistent. Not relentless, consistent. I have been attending 12 step meetings for over a decade now, I am sponsored and I sponsor. While The Healing Path is not a 12 step program, that or even those tools will certainly be a large part of any recovery we can offer here.
We are selfish, but we are not bad people. We are just ordinary, basically good people, who have a disease, and allergy, an addiction , and sometimes we did bad things, and sometimes very bad things.
If you are willing to walk a path where you can build your self esteem, be kind to yourself, others, and planet earth, learn some new skills and receive some tools to help you clean up your life, and stay clean and sober, you are welcome to join The Healing Path on it’s journey.
Of course if you are reading this, Donations are always grateful too, but really, what is most helpful is the good will and encouragement. Come visit the Healing Path even if you are not trying to do anything in particular with your life.
Have an awesome day.
April 25, 2025 