Running A Healing Home

There are so many things to consider that one doesn’t see when building a vision. You can plan with the best of them and so much unforseen stuff comes up.

Who am I kidding? I don’t plan. I have always been a kinda ‘wing it’ type of guy. I move forward on a thought and a thrill and leap into the unknown, somehow expecting all will be okay and my higher power will look after me.

Even with a business plan, I have to admit, I haven’t been able to implement the vision in it’s entirety, the way I felt it should be from the off. I could say I was a bit blindsided, but I wasn’t. I could say I started to run before I could walk, but I didn’t.

So in my usual way, which is kind of a stream of consciousness here I about to tell you where I am at, where The Healing Path is at and perhaps I will come to some conclusion.

The Healing Path is a legal non profit association with a bank account, a PayPal account, a WYSE account, Facebook, Instagram and YouTube account. Loads of accounts but no accountant. For some reason the people I have asked to build the website, didn’t do as I asked or instructed and gave me something that from a distance is wonderful, but no one can leave comments on my posts. I managed to get some posts have comments but not all. I have spent hours trying to figure it out. If you can help reach out to me. I would appreciate it.

Following on from that I was informed that the PayPal account wasn’t working either and I have spent time obsessing at 2 am in the morning on how to fix it and thought I had it fixed then someone sent me a message saying their donation was refused. So lets keep count, that’s 3 pressures. 2 things don’t work and one payment isn’t received. In an of themselves they are small pressures.

The grassland of 6000m2 is finally cut, and machines have been bought and paid for to maintain it for the foreseeable future. However that cost was far more than anticipated. It wasn’t anticipated at all. I think I thought grass would stop growing once it got to 4.5cms and life would be wonderful on the Prairie. Yeah, no Collie… maintain your field, if it catches fire you go to Jail. If it looks scruffy the neighbours will complain. OOPS. Yes that was a pressure, but now it’s gone, it hasn’t left enough money in the coffers to tackle the insulation. Which is another pressure.

The staircase is finally installed. First it was installed with two, too many steps on the bottom and it was unusable and the creator went on holiday. After 2 weeks he returned and took it away. I installed the carpet because I needed to free up the room. I was literally living in a pig of a bedroom and a half a kitchen and a prayer room. After 2 weeks he came back with the staircase and had to cut more ceiling and stained the carpet. 2 of the steps were the wrong size and the hand rail couldn’t be installed. He came back 2 days later with new steps. then realised the hand rail was too short. He came back another 2 days later installed the hand rail but not the guard rail at the top. When I asked him, he was incredulous that I actually wanted him to install the guard rail. I was glad to see him go. I loved my staircase, it’s beautiful. I paid him. I waked upstairs to the attic space and realised there is a big gap between the top step and the floor. Probably not big enough to fall into, but it will take some fixing. That’s probably my smallest pressure….

I am finally on a brand new bed and mattress. It’s my first new bed in over 30 years, my first new mattress in nearly 20. The room is finally decorated and all the packing boxes removed. It’s taken until July 24th for that to happen. Now I can have a mentally clear space when I wake up, instead of a pile of cardboard boxes, broken, spilling contents onto the floor and now way to get around them easily to what I need. Basically I have been sleeping in dirt and chaos for 4 months.

I have a permanent live in Pathfinder in the house. I imagined this person would be a co-creator and I am sure they will be in the future. However I learned as we discussed over the weeks before she arrived, a need for guidance and leadership. My new Pathfinder has had a challenging time arriving here. Faced with her demons and issues she has had some difficult moments and she is grieving and processing a lot from her past. At one point when it was intense between us, I questioned myself as to what I was doing. Who am I to guide anyone? Who am I to teach anyone? Well, I have 3 years of process work training, 11 years of sobriety, a degree in communication studies, currently doing a masters in Psychology. I have been a part of communities on and off during my life so there is something there to share.

What did I expect when I said I would have a community of addicts and alcoholics? Was I imagining a bunch of enlightened Buddhas to show up at the door, wave a hand to light a candle and ripen the tomatoes by blowing on them? Really Collie, what the f did you expect? Community living even among the most educated enlightened people is challenging.

I also had a visitor this last week. So there were 3 of us here, and I had some back up which was welcome during the meltdown. A friend who has identified me as someone he wants to help. It was unusual for me. I will admit, I was aware of this man but not in a way that made me seek him out. He is the only one of all the people I know to have gone out of his way to show up and work physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. His presence here this week has allowed all 3 of us to empty all the crap from 2 bedrooms, strip repair and paint both bedrooms and get one of them rebuilt and organised. He also was key in us reorganising ( again) the kitchen area. He has taught me humility and humour. I have tried to teach him the value of not fixing broken people. In the Healing Path, we show you the way, but if you throw your toys out of the pram, you pick them up yourself or they will be found in the bin very quickly.

He has had his own spiritual journey and shared great and amusing stories of sobriety and spiritual revelation that have assisted both myself and my charge. I am amazed how the universe sends me what I need when I need it.

I know there are some things I need to look at for the association. I have no accountant. I need one. I need to do paper work, spending plans. I put all this on the long finger because I would rather watch paint dry than face this type of work.

I did that last night. I finished painting my room, reorganised the furniture, built the bed and slept in it last night and I woke up with a paint induced hangover today. Yesterday was physical day and today my body is feeling it. I should have waited another day but I didn’t so that’s that.

My pathfinder found her way out of her dark space and attended 12 step meetings for various challenges and is growing and healing.

Today my friend returned home to his wife and the house is quieter. As I was writing about the Pathfinder and her issues, she came running up to me to tell me she has found a sponsor. I find it amazing how the universe reminds me constantly all will be well.

Another loved one in my life has been encouraging me to write a journal, record everything. I will. It’s logical sensible. I still haven’t got an official structure here. My house guest is here on trust. Neither of us have signed anything. That will happen soon.

To be honest, I am happy with the way things are today, but there is a lot to do and I am feeling the challenge and responsibility. When you step into a leadership role, you can’t go around looking for hugs and pats on the head. You need to lead by example, you need to take responsibility. At least I do. So while the house is still a mess and imperfect we are moving forward. Doing a little work every day.

I have started swimming again and will go again tomorrow. I need it for so many reasons. I will get back to our yoga tomorrow which I dropped for the week. The prayer room is too small for 3 people to do sun salutations.

There is a infestation of 3 or 4 flies that follow us around , I am trying not to kill anything. I have ushered insects and spiders out of windows but these guys are persistent. There is one sitting on the back of my hand as I type, and now he/she/it has moved to my forearm , my finger, and back to my forearm again. It’s most annoying when they land on my head when I am eating.

This week we are eating potatoes, amaranth, tomatoes, herbs, beets, that I have planted in March. We have planted a bed of companion plants so we can have winter veg when they take. We are eating eggs that Beyonce, and Rihanna the chickens give us every day. We are on a path. We are healing. There is much to do. All four cellars need to be cleaned out and have shelving installed. The insulation on the attic space needs doing. The Hallways and kitchen need to be stripped and painted. The big bedroom has to have the plastics taken out and the bed built.

Furniture for bookcases and storage needs to bought.

Paperwork needs doing.

Money needs to be raised to enable us to reach all these goals.

This week I have to pay our resident ( online) psychologist which is great because our pathfinder is getting great assistance.

So in short All is well, all will be well but the road is long and challenging and I am praying and meditating twice a day, giving thanks in the morning and counting victories in the evening. Some me time would be great. Unfortunately it’s a kind of 24/7 life at the moment.

Thanks for reading and I will try again to get someone who can help you comment.

Collie.