The Promise

This photo was taken the other day. Yesterday a storm rolled in and didn’t stay for very long. As always when there aren’t buildings and mountains in the way , the skyscape is pretty incredible.

In early Feb 2025 when I came here with my daughter, I was so excited and full of doubt. What if the plan for The Healing Path was a pipe dream and I was fantasising and somehow copping out of reality? What if this was never going to work out? A couple of things happened to reassure me. One of them was a rainbow like this right over the property as I was coming down to meet a plumber, who incidently left me a laughable quote for making a hole in the floor and passing a metal tube through it. I came up with another solution.

I had wanted to get tatoos that signified my kids. My son’s name is a fawn. It’s a mythical story of a fawn who takes human form and grows up to be the greatest warrior ever. My daughters apparently was God’s promise after the flood. So the head of a fawn under a rainbow would have been apt. I have not got that tatoo yet.

The Pathfinder who was here last year has now 10 months of sobriety. This I find encouraging. I am finding myself often asking the same question I asked over a year ago. Is this going to succeed? To speak in quasi religious terms, sorry if that puts you off, I have had so many signs and signals and affirmations, how could it not work? I am still alone in my endeavours but I have encouragement from my cheer leaders. I have had donations of money time and work and it’s all gone extremely well.

I do occasionally find myself asking if I have bitten off more than I chew? There is so much work to be done in the garden, very little is happening in the house. I have however finally managed to update the The Healing Path address on the website and the donation page. I am completely at loss for passwords. My head has been so in my Masters, I have forgotten things I shouldn’t have forgotten and getting into places I am supposed to be able to get into as an admin has proved difficult. I am beginning to understand how my neurodivergence is working, or not as may be the case. Long story short, the Wyse and the Paypal don’t work on the donation page and I don’t know how to update them.

So we have a new house number. So that’s progress. The veg is in the garden so that’s progress. There is a step 1 AA retreat for men from June 18 to 22. That too is progress. I am remebering the promises. When you show up for yourself and your recovery , your life gets better.

I am living somewhat my best life. I am getting fit which is great. I am putting in an hour or two a day of physical labour and it’s good for me. I walk about 5 k a day with little Ultan and try to pay attention to the birds, the fields, the plants. It’s strange to notice something like just a worm or caterpillar as I walk. It’s also easy. I spot birds, berries, flowers. I can tell when there is something new in the road, It might be a fallen twig, or mud, but it’s something that wasn’t there before.

Yesterday while helping the bushes I had planted last year, and cleaning away the overgrowth so they could get light and heat and not suffocate in the long grasses. I disturbed a toad. He hopped off across the road. It was a beautiful sign and the first vertebrate wild life I have seen here on the land. So it was another reassurance for me. I would love to have toads and frogs and hedgehogs and be able to give them places they feel safe.

I am like a kid in the car asking my HP , ‘are we there yet, are we there yet?’ I guess I am trying to write down here, I believe the promise that I believe I received. I am on the right path, doing the right thing and it will all work out when it works out. Nothing has to be done by Friday. Should I write about miracles ? Or intutions? Or just conincidences? Lets take the coincidences? The obvious one, heading into a church that I didn’t realise was still used by Benedictines, who were about to do the midday prayers. I encouraged my daughter to stay so we could hear them sing gregorian chant. I had not been inside a church for a service for over a decade with one or at most 2 exceptions. There was a reading. The first line of the reading said , ‘Stay sober there is much work to be done’.. What a coincidence.

There were many rainbows. Often when my mind had doubts. I would look out the window and see these beautiful arches. There was the evening I came out of the garge and said to myself outloud, ‘HP am I doing the right thing?’ I looked up in the sky and immediately saw a shooting star. What a coincidence.

Those people who have had faith and come to meet others, or visit me or just show up for themselves. That is very very reassuring. This morning I had another enquiry. I am getting a few of those.

There are many things like that throughout the year I have been here. So what is the promise? I guess it’s just chip away, have faith and all will be well.

Thanks for reading

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